Eavesdropping is a useful skill for a playwright. So beware of sitting near me...
I recently visited a podiatrist's office here in small town, Tennessee, where I overheard the following... to be fair I didn't have to eavesdrop because they were talking loudly and politely talking in my direction. The majority of their clientele are, to put it politely, advanced in life. Let's face it, these are the people with stories to tell.
(A podiatrist’s waiting room. Two OLD TIMERS, a heavy-set MAN, 78, wearing a sweaty canvas hat and wearing orthotic black shoes and a frail WOMAN neatly dressed, 78, leaning on a cane as she waits in a chair. The man stands at a window waiting on his health insurance card from the receptionist. A moment passes, and the Man gets his card and laboriously finds his way to a chair near the Woman.)
MAN
You know Jesus, don’tcha?
WOMAN
Yeah, I sure do.
MAN
Well, I’m about ready to get on out of this world.
WOMAN
Me too. I’m about as old as dirt.
MAN
Well, I think you got a few years on me. But I know where I’m going.
WOMAN
Me too. I’m 78.
MAN
You’re 78? I am too. These feet give me trouble. They sent me these diabetic socks that go up to the knees.
(He lifts his jeans to show his socks.)
WOMAN
You have diabetes? The tops of my feet burn. And I wondered if it was diabetes.
MAN
My little wife’s feet burn, on the tops and bottoms. But she don’t have it.
WOMAN
She’s not diabetic?
MAN
No.
WOMAN
Oh, well. It bothers me something terrible.
MAN
Me too. I got these shoes to help some. But I should be dead.
(There is a slight pause.)
He’s been good to me, now, I’m tellin’ ya. Been shot 8 times.
WOMAN
War?
MAN
My own war. Don’t know why them folks just wanted to kill me, I guess. Yep, 8 bullets shot into me and I’m still here.
WOMAN
You were in a war?
MAN
My own personal war. I was a moonshiner. Used to run a load up to Murphy, North Carolina on Friday nights. Had three sawed off guns next to me. I made up my mind if somebody was gonna die, it wouldn’t be me. Now, I’ve changed. I don’t do that business no more. One time had two men shooting at me from opposite sides of a road. My guardian angel must’ve been there. They both emptied their guns on me and no bullets hit me. Must’ve been my guardian angel standing there like this--
(He poses with has arms slightly open, like wings.)
‘Cos if he wasn’t protecting me, they would’ve shot each other. Yep, they emptied their guns and when they was finished I said, “Now it’s my turn.” And I raised my sawed off shot gun like to shoot ‘em. But said I wasn’t gonna waste a bullet on them. Left.
(End of overheard conversation.)
Unfortunately my name was called before I heard more.